You ever had one of those days where you feel like people only deal with you because they have to and they make your life a living hell just so you know that they only deal with you because you have to?
Yeah, thats how I feel...
Everyday
Well atleast for the past few weeks.
I mean I feel like a burden on alot of people. Like at home(well not home cuz my real home is on Allison's couch.) Im treated like the ugly stepchild. He doesnt talk to me unless he has to, and the only times he has to is when hes telling me how much I suck, how its my fault bad things happen to me, or yelling at me about the things that I dont do. School is pretty much the same way. They dont talk to just to say "your doin a good job" even though we bust our ass, they just yell at you that you arent good enough. And if they dont like you,they will literally REFUSE to teach you. If you need help, they will actually say no. The students give you hell, but thats to be expected. Even though they are starting to become more of a pain than usual.
Even people back at home make me feel like a burden.
Im only gonna mention one name (although i can name a few others that make me feel that way.) My Mom. You can tell your a burden when A) You always have to call the other person or B)When they eventually DO call YOU they always sound realy distant like they realy dont want to talk, ESPECIALLY to you. I always have to call my mom. I called her last night and she even suggested that I shouldnt call her because shes tired of hearing about the bad things that are going on with me.
Thats the thing. Ive been holding alot of stuff in lately. I dont want to give a reason for people to think that Im burden. I dont talk about things that bother me because I want them to just go away. And if I deny that they exist, maybe they will, I dont know. But I just dont want to bring people down so people can go on with their lives, whether they want to forget about me or not...
Like the title says, a black hole would be welcome. I just want to go away. For two reasons 1) So I can just be alone and not hurt anymore. 2)So if I actually AM a burden on anyone, i wont have to be. They can just get on with their lives, whether they want me in them or not. But just to make my life easier, I wish they would just tell me 1)If Im being a burden or not and 2) If they want me in their lives. They guessing is killing me. Literally, its becoming a strain on my health. Anyway, yeah, I just want to go away. Way away. (Lol its ironic how Im listen to Way Away by Yellowcard right now) So if I am or am not a burden, can you tell me please? It would be greatly appreciated. And be honest, dont spare my feelings. If I am, you can just forget me. Trust me, itll hurt but Im slowly getting used to it...8 Bit RE:Generation Leader...signing off...
PS. Im not speaking to anyone in particular. Im just speaking to the universe, hopping someone will hear and understand. But like I said, tell me if I am or am not
(END TRANSMISSION)
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3 comments:
Your life is a burden. And when your real friends want to know about what's going on with you, if they really care, it doesn't matter. Maybe it's true that it CAN get old when nothing ever changes, maybe it does get annoying if it's about you ALL the time, but the people that really care aren't going to mind. Maybe they'll need a break at some point, maybe you need to help yourself out of your hole. I don't know. But you are cared about, you are loved as a dear friend. Everyone is a burden at some point. Don't overly concern yourself with it. Try and lean on your friends, but don't lean on them forever, or you WILL become a burden--learn from what you do every day in your life and become stronger. Stand on your own two feet. I know you can.
Fujiko<3
I left something out on accidnet--everyone's life is a burden, including yours, like i said when i started; friends share their lives and their problems and all else that happens with each other, they share their burdens and help each other through their troubles. You've helped me, I've tried to help you--I don't know how much I've been able to do, but I hope i did help.
In any case, you aren't the only one who's a burden. Anyone with problems--AKA everyone--is at some point. If their friends are any kind of decent, they won't mind listening and trying to help any way they can.
<3Fujiko
fujiko. u have no idea how much youve helped me. Youve been a constant in the insanity in my life. So dont ever question if youve ever helped me because the answer is a resounding YES
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